I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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