So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
