I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
