were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
