woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
