We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
