My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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