I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
