Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
