Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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