I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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