Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
