i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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