I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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