I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
