i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
