That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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