Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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