mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
