i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
