I'm going to jail i love you
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
