I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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