Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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