I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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