I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
