you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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