We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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