Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
