Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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