thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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