Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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