Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
