What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
