Pappa wants mamma naked
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
