Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
