it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
