I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
