he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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