they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
