drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
