Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
