Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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