3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
3pm strippers are depressing
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
