Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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