I think my vagina is haunted
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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