i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
