she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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