On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
