somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
