Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
