Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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