Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
