my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
