my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
