either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
