I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
