I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
